I still remember the world from the eyes of a child.
Slowly the feelings were clouded by what I know now.
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world.
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything
And knowing nothing at all.
I still remember the sun always warm on my back.
Somehow it seems colder now.
Where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything.
- Field of Innocence, Evanescence
In a few weeks, it shall be my main exam. In a few months, it shall be my birthday and I would turn 18...2 more years to reach 20, how time flies.
I do long to go back in time, to when I was still young. Not that I'm old now...but everything was simple then. Our parents will provide for us, there is food at home, there is clothes and bed and hot water and milo. God is big and shining and loves us very much, there might be dinosaurs and there might be a pot of gold at the rainbow's end. As long as country is peaceful then why worry about politics or world affairs? There will be someone to coo and fuss when I'm ill, school is only 4 subjects, friends? If you're nice to me, then we will be friends. If you're not nice to me...well, it's ok, I've got other friends.
Our minds are just so simple. Now we worry about money, about interest generated through holding of bonds and assets and whether concession pass is worth it...We worry about food, about exams and homework and whether anyone notice if we're ill and how others perceive us. If someone suddenly becomes nice to us, is there a catch somewhere? If my parents suddenly stopped buying so many things, could it be because we're in a financial difficulty? If I felt a terrible pain in my abdomen, could it be something worse like gall stones? XX got boyfriend though how she got it must be through witchcraft, YY just got dump and can't move on, ZZ's family member died because of heart attack...depressing really, to the point of being pointless. The more we know, the more we speculate, the more we fear. We humans who pride ourselves with technology and knowledge and skills...in the end, we suffer as well. Granted, we get smarter but getting smarter doesn't necessarily mean a better life.
I've always dreamt of wanting to live as a farmer or a shepherd to tend to the sheeps. Will that be much simpler than what I'm pursuing now? Maybe, maybe not. Who's to say? Maybe when I become a farmer, I'll regret and want to be a businesswoman where it is certainly more reputable, respectable and profitable. So what do I choose? Brawns or brains? Physical tasks or knowledge and skill required tasks? You can't go far in farming and shepherding but the business world is huge and competitve...much more challenging.
Tiring as well.
Why do the ancient people live till the age of over a hundred years old while we modern folks considered it good fortune to get past the age of seventy?
It is all due to stress. Education makes people easy to lead; but difficult to drive, easy to govern; but difficult to enslave. - William Blake.
